Spider-Man Finds Out Which Avenger He Really Is BuzzFeed Celeb
by jenniboo311
Summary: "Hello, internet. I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and I'm here to find out which Avenger I really am." Part 5 of Social Butterfly Spidey Series.


While Peter's age is never specified, I consider him aged up to probably his early twenties, and is a mix of MCU-Spidey and PS4-Spidey. Endgame and Far From Home didn't happen, and Civil War magically ended with everyone as friends again.

Part 5 of my Social Butterfly Spidey series. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

"Hello, internet. I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and I'm here to find out which Avenger I really am."

Spider-Man gives the camera a two-fingered salute from his perch in a director's chair in front of a bright blue background, holding a slim silver laptop open in his lap. He is wearing a worn black hoodie with blue jeans and his signature mask.

A title card appears on screen in red and white text on a grey background proclaiming, "Spider-Man finds out which Avenger he really is."

"This is probably ill advised, considering how competitive and petty the Avengers really are. I'm never gonna hear the end of this. But don't tell them I told you that." His eye lenses squint and the fabric around his mouth twitches in a grin.

'What would you risk your life for,' is displayed on screen.

"For hope, justice, freedom, peace, duty, honor, family, purpose, or redemption," Spider-Man reads the options out loud. "Hmm, well I mean, every single one of these to be honest," he says, looking seriously up at the camera. "Every time I put on the suit I risk my life and I do it for several reasons. To give people hope where there isn't any, to seek justice in an unjust world, to help preserve our freedom, to provide and maintain peace. I do it because I have these abilities that nobody else has and so I see that as a duty and an honor to use those abilities to help others. It gives me a purpose. And yeah, there's even a bit of redemption in there but that's deeply personal. But most of all, I do it for all of you. Family doesn't have to be blood, and I consider you all my family. So I'll pick, 'For family'."

'Choose an avenger to bring home to your parents,' the next question displays on screen.

Spider-Man barks a laugh and gets more comfortable in his chair. "Alright, let's see here," he says and browses the list of Avengers. "Bucky, Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Ant Man, Scarlet Witch, Thor, Black Widow, and Hawkeye. Well, first of all, Nat terrifies me and black widow spiders sometimes kill and eat their counterparts after mating so that's going to be a hard no. I'm sorry Nat, I love you. But like, from afar. I love you from afar."

He looks up and gives the camera a nervous, wide-eyed look before continuing, "And Hulk. I love Hulk, but he uh, he smashes. So that's gotta be a no right there."

He strokes his chin as he ponders the rest, "And Iron Man...well Tony is very happy with Pepper, but were I theoretically to bring Tony home he'd probably leave me and seduce my mother or something. I mean he's Tony Stark, he could totally do that."

He laughs at the thought and shakes his head.

"I can't bring anyone home to my parents, but if I could it would be Thor. Thor is a whole meal, as the kids these days say. I'm straight, but I would go gay for Thor. Thor-sexual. If you're not gay for Thor, you're just lying to yourself."

'You have the opportunity to wield one of the following powers, which is it,' the caption reads on screen.

"Power, soul, reality, space, time, and mind," Spider-Man reads the options aloud. "I dunno, let's try the process of elimination." He shifts in his chair and his eye lenses narrow in concentration. "I'm going to strike power. I've got plenty of that already and am fully aware of how much responsibility is involved. I don't need any more. I don't think I'd like to have the power to control minds or anything, free will is important! So not that one either. And the power to manipulate reality sounds like a terribly bad idea, so I'm going to strike that as well." He shakes his head vehemently. He looks over his remaining options and hums, "I think I might have to be a little selfish and choose time, so that I could prolong the time I have right now with those I love, and to be able to go back in time to see those I've lost." He bows his head in silence for a moment before clearing his throat and moving on.

'What would you say your biggest weakness is,' the text displays. Underneath, it lists the options, 'I tend to live in the past', 'I constantly bite off more than I can chew', 'I'm flaky', 'I'm insecure', 'I don't look before I leap', 'I tend to be stubborn headed', 'I lie, like, a lot', 'I seldom pay attention to what's going on around me', 'Sometimes I can be narrow minded', 'I never take time for myself', 'I tend to overreact', 'I'm flaky'.

He snorts, "You guys are asking the tough questions, huh? To be honest I am a flawed human being and am guilty of most of these. It's hard to choose what one is the worst." He taps his index and middle fingers against his mouth in contemplation. "I like to think I'm pretty open minded so I don't have to worry about that one. That's pretty much a prerequisite to being Spider-Man, you wouldn't believe some of the stuff I've seen on the daily. I definitely sometimes bite off more than I can chew, and Tony gives me hell for it don't you worry. That one's a bad superhero habit in general I think, I can't think of any heroes I know that don't do that sometimes. I can definitely be stubborn when I want to be, and I'm insecure about plenty of things. I think my worst ones probably go hand in hand. I lie a lot and I'm a flake! Obviously, having a secret identity means I have to lie to people a lot even though I don't want to. It's not something I enjoy nor am I particularly good at it, but it keeps the people I care about safe. Likewise, I often have to bail on plans with those loved ones for Spidey business that pops up, so I come across as unreliable and flaky a lot of the time I think. It's bad enough when I bail on the people who know I'm Spidey but it's especially bad when I bail on those who aren't aware and I can't explain myself. As Spider-Man I pride myself on being dependable and trustworthy in order to help people in their greatest time of need, so I think I'll pick, 'I'm flaky'. I hate that duality of being dependable Spider-Man at the same time as being untrustworthy, flaky civilian Spidey. Sometimes it gives me whiplash!"

'What do you think your most useful asset would be if you joined the Avengers,' the next question reads, followed by the options, 'Your strategy', 'your bravery', 'your strength', 'your ingenuity', 'your persistence', 'your charisma', 'your morale', 'your intelligence', 'your ambition', 'your leadership', 'your honesty', 'your selflessness'.

"Well, first of all, those maniacs would be incredibly lucky to have me and they could only hope." He looks at the camera and his eye lenses flare with a saucy eyebrow waggle. "I think I possess several of these assets, I'm a well rounded individual!" He shifts in his chair as he contemplates his options and hums in indecision. "I think I'll have to say intelligence, final answer!" He makes a decisive motion with his arms. "I'm a big believer of 'the pen is mightier than the sword' and all that, and I think my big brain is my greatest asset. I try to use my brain instead of my fists wherever possible. I'm not quite on Tony Stark's or Dr. Banner's level, but I've got an IQ of about two fifty and that's pretty extraordinary, not to toot my own horn."

'Finally, if you were alone at the supermarket and aliens attacked, who is the first person you would check on to see if they're alright,' reads the text on screen. 'Your parents', 'your SO', 'your pets', 'your siblings', 'your kids', 'your best friend', 'your coworkers', 'your favorite celebrity', 'someone else not listed'.

"Aliens attacking while I'm at the supermarket, not as unlikely as you'd think." He looks at the camera and laughs, eye lenses squinting and mask crinkling. "Well let's see here," he props a hand behind his head while he goes through the options, "I don't have any children. That I know of, anyway." He gives the camera a brief, wide-eyed look of panic before turning back to the laptop, "I'm not sure the world, or I, would be ready for a spider baby." He clears his throat uncomfortably. "I don't have any pets or siblings or parents. My fave celebrities also happen to be my coworkers, and they'd be in the thick of things fighting and looking after each other, so I'd be able to focus on the people I love who can't fight aliens. I would definitely check on my friends, but above all I would check on someone who isn't my parent but who deserves the title, so I'll choose, 'your parents'."

He rubs his hands together and shimmies side to side in anticipation. "Let's see what I got!" He says as he submits his answers.

'You got Thor,' is revealed on screen.

"You're constantly growing and changing as a person," he reads aloud, "While some people only see stoic, you and your close friends know that you're very multi-dimensional and an absolute pleasure to be around."

Spider-Man throws his head back as he laughs loudly.

"Well," he says as he gets hold of himself, "if I can't date him I guess the only thing better is to be him." A giggle breaks free. "This is pretty accurate, actually. I am always growing and changing as a person, but I think we all do in general. I can be a bit stoic. My teammates and FoS's, that is, friends of Spidey, sometimes get upset with me if I'm more injured than I let on. I downplay a lot of that stuff out of habit, they get really frustrated with me. And most of all I am an absolute delight." He manages to stay serious for a moment before a snort breaks through.

"Alright, that's it for me, guys," he gives the camera a small wave. "Thanks for watching and I'll see you next time."

* * *

Comments:

**Etherealtulip**

"If you're not gay for Thor you're just lying to yourself" hahahahahahahaha

**WeirdFangirl35**

Did Spider-Man seriously just casually drop that he's an orphan? I'm crying right now this is not okay...

**18Name27**

I am totally on board with being Spidey's family! #SpiderFam

**AnonymousLi**

Having to constantly lie and bail on people must get really exhausting

**Fanciepenguine**

Poor guy seems like he has maybe lost a lot in his life

**BrightEyedAthene**

I'm loving being able to see Spidey in normal clothes. Now just to see that face!

**AnonymousKudos**

I dunno, I kinda wanna see a spider-baby. I'm imagining a toddler crawling up literal walls and throwing a tantrum on the ceiling while the mother is tearing her hair out, cursing the day she ever slept with Spiderman hahahahaha

**Readingisthenewcool**

I stan one (1) smart boi

**Joylisakook**

Does anyone else just love watching him laugh?

**secret_werewolves**

He has the option to be all powerful and he chooses to be able to see his loved ones? I'm not crying, you're crying.

**SweetVih**

He is. He is an absolute delight.

**TotallyNotDeadpool**

Gay for Thor?! What about Deadpool, baby boy? We could have something special...


End file.
